Some of you may already know that I will be starting a new job as a midwife! I will be joining Breath of Life in Largo, FL starting in June. I visited the center in early March and afterwards really didn’t know what to expect. There was some time waiting on an April Board meeting, where the idea of adding me, a third midwife, would be proposed. I expected a long and drawn out process over several months and instead, everything was approved! I was so shocked to actually be offered a job so soon, it took me a day to say yes!
I feel incredibly blessed for several reasons:
1. I get to work in a birth center setting, where midwives can truly give one-one-one suppport and attention.
2. I am joining two other midwives who have nothing but wonderful things to say about each other.
3. The Breath of Life staff are all believers and the birth center is under a larger pro-life organization, New Life Solutions. It’s really a very unique setting, one I feel very spoiled to be working in.
Here’s the website for Breath of Life: http://www.breathoflife.cc/
Exciting, right!? I still sometimes have a hard time believing it! But, undoubtedly, it will be a big transition. I am moving away from my family here in Olive Branch, MS where I have enjoyed life rent-free with family all around for a year-and-a-half. I am leaving my job as a nurse and embracing a new role as a nurse-midwife, where I face quite a bit more responsibility and learning to live life “on-call”. And although I was actually born in Florida and can’t really complain about living 10 minutes from the beach, it will still be a new place unfamiliar to me.
So while this job and this move is in many ways more than I could have hoped for, it is at the same time intimidating and uncertain.
I have been incredibly encouraged by some of Ann Voskamp’s words in her book “One Thousand Gifts” as I deal with my own worries and stress:
“Anxiety has been my natural posture, my default stiffness. The way I curl my toes up, tight retreat… How I don’t fold my hands in prayer … weld them into tight fists of control… Do I hold worry close as this ruse of control, this pretense that I’m the one who will determine the course of events as I stir and churn and ruminate? Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is. And stressed, this pitched word that punctuates every conversation, is it really my attempt to prove how indispensable I am? Or is it more?
Maybe disguising my deep fears as stress seems braver somehow…
Stress and anxiety seem easier. Easier to let a mind run wild with the worry than to exercise discipline, to reign her in, slip the blinders on and train her to walk steady in certain assurance, not spooked by specters looming ahead. Are stress and worry evidences of a soul too lazy, too undisciplined, to keep gaze fixed on God? To stay in love?
I don’t like to ask these questions, sweep out these corners… But this I must ask and I do, out loud…
Isn’t joy worth the effort of trust?”
I know just what Ann means when she talks about “stress” being a word that punctuates every conversation. I remember times in my life where it would have felt foreign to not answer the all-too-familiar question of “How are you?” with that word: stressed. It was, in many ways, my identity and my motivator.
I have sensed my tight grip on life loosening in the past year or so. Mostly because I have walked through some situations where I really did have little control and just needed to pray and to wait. And in every instance, of course, God answered prayers in the His timing and things just worked out. Because of my clinicals, I have lived in three different places this past year. In all three of those instances I was required to pretty much show up not knowing what I was getting into, and housing was arranged at the last minute. And there was not a single thing I could have changed by worrying more about any of it! But I did worry, a lot, actually. But each time I learned my lesson and I trusted a little more the next time.
So, all that to say, this move to Florida provides lots of opportunities to stress and to worry. But I am trying to trust and to do the real work of praying – of talking to God about all the things swirling around in my brain. Because each day really does offer so many opportunities for joy and that’s what I want to grab a hold of…